Body Image, Core Beliefs and Unmet Needs with Molly Siefert
Show Notes
In this episode, we are joined by body image expert, Molly Siefert. Molly shares her body image story, illustrating how the quest to feel better in the face of a health challenge by restricting certain foods, resulted in weight loss and unexpected praise. This led Molly down the slippery slope of finding validation in eating clean, being disciplined with food and exercise, and a “role model” for health – and she shares how damaging it was to her relationship with food, exercise, her body and herself.
Inside we talk all about how dieting behaviour, or our relationship with food, really isn’t about the food. Rather, how we eat and think about food, is an expression of how we feel about our body and ourselves, which is formed by how we think of ourselves based upon our core beliefs about how a woman should look.
(how that results in disconnection from ourselves, feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, and leads us into perfectionism and people pleasing to try to find validation of our worth and meanwhile, we abandon our own needs)
Molly shares some insightful tips to help you explore these core beliefs and how curiosity and self compassion can move you towards self-acceptance, greater connection and meeting your own needs.
What you’ll learn by listening:
- Why body image is such a struggle for women and why it’s so harmful to praise weight loss
- How our body image stories are formed via the messaging we receive about women’s value being her appearance
- How our relationship with food stems from our relationship with our body, which stems from our relationship with OURSELVES.
- The sneaky ways we seek to validate our worth through perfectionism and people pleasing
- The ways in which we abandon our own needs when we feel not good enough, and how we can rebuild that connection with ourself through authentic self care.
About Our Guest
Molly Seifert is a Body Image Coach and Mentor. She works with women who have decided to ditch dieting and now they feel uncomfortable in their body. The women she works with value authenticity but they feel held back from being fully themselves because of their body image. Molly helps them reconnect with their body so they can be unapologetically themselves, share their big gifts with the world and live their life authentically! She also works with professionals who are struggling to support their clients through body image barriers and equips them with the tools that fit them and their practice best so their clients can thrive!
Mentioned in the show:
Molly’s Instagram: https://instagram.com/mollykatewellness
What She Gained Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/what-she-gained/id1451247049
Free Mini Training: https://www.mollykatewellness.com/freeminitraining
About the Host
Kim Hagle is a certified Personal Trainer, Body Image Coach, mom of four and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness. Through mindset coaching and intuitive movement and eating, Kim helps women go beyond the desire to lose weight so they can feel healthy and confident in their now body.
Want to feel good in your body without focusing on weight?
Download “5 Steps to Feeling Healthy, Happy and Confident (without obsessing over the scale)” – our FREE guide that will help get started with the non-diet approach. Inside you’ll learn 5 simple shifts to feeling better in your NOW body! www.radiantvitality.ca/freeguide
Ready to take the next step?
Visit our website to learn more about our coaching programs www.radiantvitality.ca/programs
For health professionals looking to adopt the non-diet approach in your business:
visit Kim’s mentor, Stephanie Dodier’s site for free resources to get started. https://www.stephaniedodier.com
Let’s stay in touch!
Kim is on Instagram and Facebook @radiantvitalitywellness.
Full Transcript:
[00:00:00] ,Well, hello friends. And welcome back to the joyful movement show. This is episode 78 and I am your host Kim Hagle, certified personal trainer, body image coach, and registered holistic nutritionist. And today we’re joined by body image expert, Molly Seifert. Let me tell you a little bit better about Molly.
[00:00:20] Molly is a body image coach and mentor. She works with women who have decided to ditch dieting and now feel really uncomfortable in their body. The women, she works with value authenticity, but they feel held back from being fully themselves because of their body image. Molly helps them reconnect with their body so they can be unapologetically themselves, share their big gifts with the world and live their life authentically.
[00:00:43] She also works with professionals who are struggling to support their clients through body image barriers, and equips them with the tools that fit them and their practice best so their clients can thrive.
[00:00:55] This is a juicy episode. I mean, I love talking body image and Molly, and I just had the most refreshing and deep, vulnerable conversation here. Molly shared her own body image story, how she got started in this work. She talked about how it started years ago when she was faced with a health challenge and started dealing with that by following a certain diet restricting certain foods.
[00:01:26] And while she did feel a little bit better, it didn’t help her a hundred percent. The big thing that happened is that she lost a little bit of weight and that got her a whole lot of unexpected praise. Which then led her down that slippery slope of finding her validation in other people’s opinion. And she was praised for eating clean and being so disciplined with her food and exercise and being this quote role model for health. And she shared how damaging that was to her relationship with food and exercise and her body, but mostly, herself.
[00:02:00] So, we had a big conversation about how dieting behavior, how we eat, or our relationship with food really isn’t about the food, rather how we eat and how we think about food as an expression about how we feel about our body, and more deeply about ourselves. Which is formed by how we think of ourselves based upon our core beliefs about how a woman should look.
[00:02:23] And how that results in us disconnecting from ourselves and causes us to feel inadequate, and like, we’re not good enough that we’re worthless. And then that can lead us into patterns of perfectionism and people pleasing, trying to find our validation and our worth in other people’s opinions. And meanwhile, we completely abandon our own needs.
[00:02:46] So Molly shared some really insightful tips to help you explore your own core beliefs and how they have influenced your relationship with your body and your relationship with food and exercise too. And she shared how having an attitude of curiosity and self compassion can move you towards greater self-acceptance, greater connection to yourself, and then being able to meet your own needs.
[00:03:12] So it is a juicy interview. I hope that you enjoy as much as I did. All of Molly’s contact information is linked up in the show notes. She is on Instagram. She also has a podcast called “what she gained”. I’ve put the link in the show notes.
[00:03:27] And she has offered a free mini body image training to all of you listeners. So that’s on her website at MollyKatewellness.com/freeminitraining and the link is in the show notes as well.
[00:03:39] So without any further ado here’s molly
[00:03:42] Kim: Well, Molly Seifert, welcome to the joyful movement show. I’m so excited to have you here with us today.
[00:03:48] Molly: I’m so excited to be here and have this conversation.
[00:03:51] Kim: Yeah, I’ll give a little context to our listeners.
[00:03:54] Um, we met in a. Uh, a group on Facebook, I think for non diet professionals. And you were looking for guests for your podcast, um, “what she gained”, which by the way, I love the title of your show. In a world that’s so obsessed about losing weight and fears weight gain. I love how you spun that about what we, what we stand to gain when we give up fighting with our bodies.
[00:04:19] Molly: Yes.
[00:04:20] Kim: And I’m so excited that we’re going to be digging into that topic a little more. So why don’t you get us started by telling us a little bit about yourself and how you came to be doing the work that you’re doing today?
[00:04:31] Molly: Yeah, absolutely. So just like so many people, I struggled with my relationship to food and my body.
[00:04:38] I have a little bit of a different story. I didn’t necessarily struggle with that so much when I was a kid. I was lucky enough to kind of grow up in a pretty neutral environment. I mean, I remember my mom dieting. But it felt pretty neutral for me at that time. I didn’t necessarily pick it up. And so I had a decent relationship to my body, you know, I disliked certain parts and I just kinda thought that was normal.
[00:05:00] It wasn’t destructive until I, uh, I started to have some digestive problems is actually where my journey started. And I was having all these digestive problems to be fully candid. Like I was really gassy all the time and I was a college student, so I’m in class and I’m like holding in this gas because I’m not going to be that person.
[00:05:22] Right. And that becomes really uncomfortable if you’ve ever had to hold in gas for an extended period of time, you know, that does not feel good.
[00:05:29] So I was having all this discomfort. And I had a boss at the time who was gluten-free I think because her husband was celiac. And so she was gluten-free and she encouraged me to try going gluten free, which at the time felt harmless.
[00:05:47] Let’s remove gluten, see how I feel. And I removed gluten. I went and gluten free and I did actually feel a little bit better, but not a hundred percent. And so then it kind of continued to want to feel better, which again, valid desire, we all deserve to feel good, but what it turned into was removing all of these food groups.
[00:06:08] I removed dairy next that I went paleo. Then I went X, Y, and Z. Um, before all of that happened, I did get an IBS diagnosis, but I was given an antispasmodic medication that had side effects that I didn’t like. And I decided I was going to try to figure it out on my own. And nobody really gave me any clear guidance.
[00:06:26] So it was just like me and Google and, you know, trying things out on my own, which is not a great approach. If you have a medical diagnosis, you want professional support. So I was trying to do this on my own. Removing all of these food groups kind of became the norm for me. So I became very restrictive, very strict about, you know, these things that I couldn’t eat.
[00:06:49] And again, it was because I wanted to feel better. But what I did notice when I started to remove all of these things is my body got smaller. And I liked that validation that I was getting from being in a smaller body in our society. Now I was always straight sized, but now I was just, you know, Smaller. I was smaller and I liked the validation that I was getting from that.
[00:07:11] So now I find myself in graduate school and mind you, I am a lifelong perfectionist people-pleaser overachiever. So I have built up this beautiful facade of this perfect life that I have. And, you know, shocker, it wasn’t actually perfect. But what was happening in graduate school was I was starting to feel like all those things that I had built up were crumbling around me. And I was also realizing at the same time that while I’m actually not happy, even though I have achieved and created all of these things.
[00:07:41] So everyone always kind of viewed my family as this perfect family. And at the time we were having some familial problems. And so that image was crumbling. I had a partner who we were planning on getting married and he just decided one day that he was no longer in it. And he said, peace out. That was crumbling. I was getting my masters in athletic training and I realized, wow, I don’t want to be an athletic trainer. So my career was crumbling.
[00:08:08] So I had all of these facets that weren’t going well. And I was so convinced that if I lost just a couple more pounds, That it would look like I’ve got everything together and everyone would think that I’m doing great and everything would just click into place. I was so convinced it’s it’s mind blowing to me now looking back, but it felt, it felt like the truth.
[00:08:34] And so coming from this long history of restricting things, I was like, okay, well, let me just restrict my calories and I will lose those, you know, last couple of pounds, we always say last couple pounds. And it’s like last couple of pounds of what would you say if you mean. I was convinced that if I lost a few pounds, that I would feel so much better.
[00:08:54] So I started to restrict my calories down to kind of that classic number that we always saw in magazines and whatever. I don’t even want to mention it cause I know what it is. So I was restricting an immense amount and I was living a really active lifestyle at the time, just naturally. So I was an athletic trainer, so I was just naturally on my feet a lot. I was riding my bike to work because where I was living at the time, it was just easier to ride my bike to work. I was also training for half marathons. So my energy need was at least twice as much as what I was trying to consume.
[00:09:32] So you can imagine what happened.
[00:09:33] I started to fall into this restrict binge cycle, cause my body was like, yo.
[00:09:38] Kim: “gimme some food, girl”
[00:09:40] Molly: Yes. I need way more energy than, than you’re giving me. And so then I started to really start to feel crappy about myself and fell into that cycle of like, oh, I didn’t do it again. Tomorrow is going to be better. And I was talking to a friend about all of this and I look back and, I’m kind of embarrassed because I knew that she had struggled with eating disorders and here I am having a conversation with her about restriction and me losing weight. Luckily she was recovered, but looking back, I’m like, wow, that was really insensitive of me.
[00:10:08] But anyways, because she had that experience, she was like, Hey Molly, this, this relationship you’re having to food doesn’t sound healthy. She had to say that to me a few times before it really clicked. But I remember when it did click and I was just like, whoa, i, if I don’t already have an eating disorder, I am bordering on that and I definitely have disordered eating patterns.
[00:10:33] So I just knew in that moment, I had no idea what intuitive eating was. I knew in that moment, I had to give myself permission to eat food. So I did that. I, you know, took a break from training for half marathon. So I intuitively knew that I needed to do these things, but guess what happened? I gained weight. I didn’t like that because again, I wasn’t getting support and guidance in this process. I was just doing it on my own.
[00:10:58] So I gained weight. I didn’t like that. And I knew in my head, I was like, okay, well I know I can’t restrict calories. So I went back to restricting food groups. I was like, I’m just going to eat really healthy. I know I can’t restrict calories anymore cause that’s unhealthy, but it was more acceptable to eat, quote, unquote, healthy, to eat, quote unquote clean. And that was a sneakier more pervasive form of my disordered eating patterns that lasted longer because it was praised. Right. And it became a part of my identity. Everyone saw me as the quote unquote, healthy one, and I have so much motivation and willpower. And how do you do that? And I just like was on my high wellness horse of like, I’m just this like wellness goddess. Right.
[00:11:43] And. So I actually got into health coaching with the intention of like, I’m going to teach other people how to be healthy. I’m going to teach them how to not crave these unhealthy foods and just live a healthy life and not have to worry about cravings.
[00:12:00] No, I can laugh at that. Right. It just didn’t feel like I was making progress with people. It didn’t feel authentic. I felt like I was, you know, um, what’s the word I’m looking for a fraud, right? And luckily, because I was in the health coaching space, I somehow came across intuitive eating and everything just clicked.
[00:12:20] That was when it really clicked. I was like, wow, this is what I need for myself. And this is what I want to coach other women, because this is it. This isn’t right here is intuitive eating. So I dove into intuitive eating for myself. Kind of put a pause on coaching while I did that. And then I dove back into coaching women on intuitive eating because it just totally transformed my life.
[00:12:42] But then what I found was what I was really coaching women on was that layer that’s a little bit deeper. So the top layer is our relationship to food. And then the layer beneath that is really our relationship to our bodies. And even deeper to that, it’s our relationship and our idea of self worth and self-love. So that’s what I was coaching women on was how we relate to ourselves and our bodies, because I felt like if we coped with that, and we created some, some stability in that area, then the food is just going to fall into place. And it was true, that’s what I saw with my clients. Over the past couple of years, I have shifted to exclusively coaching on body image and self love and confidence.
[00:13:23] And so that’s how I got here.
[00:13:25] Kim: Wow. Thank you for sharing your story because I know I can relate to it at all of the different parts and like yep. Did it, did it, did it. I know that women who are listening can say the same thing. And it’s so sad to me, how our society praises, disordered eating and disordered exercise.
[00:13:51] And, you know, I love how you illustrated, so clearly how, what started out as you trying to improve your health, like very innocently and with all of the right intentions, wanting to improve your health, started the snowball effect. And that is how diet culture really screws us up, right? Like when we, we, we, we come at these things with all the right intentions and only wanting the best for ourselves, but society praises, thinness.
[00:14:20] So what starts out as, I just want my tummy to not be so gassy, like while you lost weight and suddenly, well, Hey, you’re doing everything right. You lost weight, you look great. Everything must be perfect. And then we begin to put all of our eggs in that basket and define ourselves externally. Um, and like you said, you had restricting calories and then how that shifts into healthism, and like, oh, I’m not dieting anymore, I’m just eating clean. And you know, and like you say, it’s praised, you’re, you’re suffering from an eating disorder maybe, or at least a disordered eating and our society just backs it up. It’s very hard to recover when, when that’s the kind of validation that we get.
[00:15:00] So, yeah. Kudos to you.
[00:15:03] Molly: Yeah, and I think that’s a lot of people struggle. And I think the core of it is that we’re humans and we value connection and diet culture marketing does an incredibly, I don’t even want to say good job, an incredibly effective job at really poking at that. Like your going to get more connection, more, love, more success.
[00:15:24] It pokes at like our core desires as human beings and tells us that this is the way, and these are the values that you need to align with to get these things that you desire. And it’s not a problem that we desire connection and success and love. But what happens when we align with diet cultures values, is we walk away from our own.
[00:15:44] And I think if we can learn how to realign with our own values and choose ourselves, then we’re going to look at diet culture and be like that, that doesn’t align with me. It just doesn’t. Yeah. So I think that’s part of the problem is that our culture does not validate authenticity from a, a young age.
[00:16:04] And instead we often are really invalidated. You know, how often did we hear things like you’re being too sensitive? Don’t think that way you shouldn’t be doing that X, Y, and Z. And I’m not saying, there, there isn’t a place for discipline with parents. Of course, there is, right. But also when we’re invalidated, then we feel like we can’t trust ourselves and our intuition. And then if that was our foundation, diet culture is just going to take. Really easily, just like that.
[00:16:34] Kim: My next question was going to be, why do you think body image is such a big struggle for women? But that’s what I’m hearing you say is that we are, we are invalidated from a very young age and basically like are not good enough voice is fed our whole life.
[00:16:48] Molly: Yeah, absolutely. And I think, especially for women to really answer your question on another level is a women have been told for centuries that our biggest value is our appearance. Right. That is our societal value is looking a certain way. So that is ingrained in us. That has been generationally passed down from woman to woman in our family.
[00:17:13] So that’s another reason that diet culture and body image is such a struggle for women in particular is because we have been taught and led to believe that our value lies in our external appearance.
[00:17:28] Kim: So, as you said in your own story, and we know in our work with clients, when we, when we really dig into the work, into our relationship with food and our relationship with our body, we come to realize it’s not really about the food.
[00:17:42] It’s not even really about our body. What is it really about? What’s really driving the body image thoughts.
[00:17:51] Molly: Yeah. It’s really about our core belief system that has been adapted. over time, about who we are as a person and how we, how we operate in our world. So our core belief systems, I always love to use the framework. I think this comes from cognitive behavioral therapy, that our thoughts impact our feelings and our feelings impact our actions.
[00:18:12] But even before those thoughts is our core belief systems, that’s kind of fueling all of those things. And when you think about your thoughts and your feelings and your actions; that’s your reality, that’s your entire reality. So it’s, it’s easy to see then that if our core belief systems are saying things like I’m broken. I’m a failure. I’m worthless. I’m not good enough. Then of course, that’s going to create certain thoughts that are going to create certain feelings that are going to create certain actions in, in our world.
[00:18:47] And like I said, create our reality.
[00:18:50] Kim: Yeah. So those, those core beliefs of I’m worthless, I’m not good enough. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t measure up, are going to drive thoughts of, I need to change my body. I need to restrict calories. I need to exercise until I collapse or more. I need to compete until like to prove I’m I’m good enough, I’m worthy. And it’s all coming from a feeling system of, uh, And adequacy. Yeah. Yeah. So the action that we’re taking is fear-based
[00:19:22] Molly: absolutely. And I know we’ve talked about this before, so where’s it really coming from it’s coming from our core belief system, but then the way that we adapt, because we haven’t actually connected with our authentic voice and our authentic beliefs, we have a lot of unmet needs.
[00:19:37] We have all of these needs that are going unmet. We’re trying to fit into a little box when really we’re actually not paying attention to what our body is asking for and what we need. So it’s fueled from this core belief system that was adapted at one point to keep us safe and to try to survive at some point.
[00:19:56] But now it’s no longer serving us. And now we’re seeing that it’s created this beast of either perfectionism or people pleasing or overachieving. And that leaves us with a lot of unmet needs. We meet everybody else’s needs and values and expectations, but then we’re left feeling empty. Yeah.
[00:20:17] Kim: What needs specifically, do you tend to see not being like being abandoned?
[00:20:24] Molly: Gosh, I mean so many, I think one of the biggest things that I see being abandoned is speaking your truth and asking for what you need in relationships. Yeah. That’s really tough for many women and many people in general, because I think the belief that we have is if I share what I’m really thinking here, or if I share what I really need here, whether that’s space or more connection or, you know, more vulnerability.
[00:20:57] If I share what I really need here, they’re going to leave me. And again, we are humans who thrive on connection, so that feels really scary. So because we’re afraid of, you know, being left alone, we ignore this need of, you know, a deeper connection and sharing what we’re really feeling, but that can be really scary.
[00:21:17] Especially again, we came from an invalidating environment where our feelings and emotions were invalidated anyways. So it has continued into present day. And so that’s the thing that I see the most actually is really asking for what we need in relationships and speaking our truth. So we stay quiet and we stay small and that does not serve.
[00:21:40] Kim: And we stay focused on what we think we can control, which is our body. And that maybe they’ll just love me more and meet these needs automatically, if I look good enough.
[00:21:52] Molly: Yes. Yeah. Looking a certain way does not mean you’re getting needs met. Not at all. I mean, there’s so many needs that I see. I mean, you can start from like the bottom of like physical needs, right?
[00:22:03] Not giving ourselves enough rest, not moving in a joyful way, those kinds of things, but on a deeper, what I, what I see the most is more of the emotional needs being unmet. Not doing things that feel authentic to us and trying to just do things that make other people feel good, not communicating, not setting boundaries.
[00:22:21] Those are the things that I see the most
[00:22:24] Kim: boundaries is huge. How many, how many times do we sacrifice our own wellbeing to please others.
[00:22:33] Molly: Right. So how many times magnified a dollar for every time I did that, I’d be a millionaire.
[00:22:39] Kim: And then all your problems would be solved. Right?
[00:22:41] Molly: Obviously all my problems would be solved.
[00:22:43] Kim: Yeah. Okay. So. How do we even begin to do the work of changing those core beliefs? Like those are, those are deep they’re way down in there. And we think that changing our body’s is going to fix all of that. And if you’ve ever tried, you know, it doesn’t, but how do you, like how do you do that?
[00:23:05] Molly: Yeah, it’s such a good question.
[00:23:06] And the first thing I always like to tell people, cause this can be kind of mind blowing. If you’re you haven’t heard this concept yet is we think that we need to remove that core belief. We need to rip it out of our being and dump it over the cliff and never see it again. And it doesn’t work that way because that core belief is actually a part of you.
[00:23:27] We are made up of dark and light and everything in between. And that’s what makes us a complex human. So I hate to break it to you, but you can’t remove that part. It is not going anywhere. And just like any other human being, if it gets ignored and it has something to say, it’s gonna get louder.
[00:23:47] So actually the first step is the goal is not to remove it. The goal is to befriend. The goal is to get to know it, understand it. So the first step is really awareness of that core belief system. So getting curious about like, okay, what are my thoughts? Where does that come from? Right. How long has that core belief been there? What, how was it trying to keep me safe?
[00:24:15] Right.
[00:24:16] Yeah, because it was it like your body and your brain is so wise. And so it took in some information, it created this little part to keep you safe in that moment. And so really acknowledging and getting to know that part, that core belief system that says I’m a failure. When, how long have you been here?
[00:24:38] Right. I want you to imagine it as like, you’re either like on the couch or in these big comfy chairs. And this part, this belief system is kind of embodied. It could be a person, it could be a thing, and you’re just having a conversation. You’re inviting it in. You’re getting to know it so that it is seen and heard and understood because who doesn’t want to be seen and heard and understood
[00:25:00] Kim: true story.
[00:25:01] Molly: That is what we want. Right. And just like humans, right, these parts want to be seen and heard and understood. So sitting down with it and asking those questions, like how long have you been here? Right. How are you trying to keep me safe? Right. What do you need from me to feel safe? Right.
[00:25:23] So I’ll leave it at those three questions. So we don’t overwhelm people with things to do with asking those three questions. How long have you been here? How are you trying to keep me safe? And what do you need from me to feel more safe? Because here’s the deal is that when that part starts to feel safe, it will stop ruling your thoughts and feelings and actions, and that’s going to change your reality. It’s not, you’re not going to remove it. It’s still going to be there. It’s still going to pop up, but now you understand it and you can validate it and you can say, Hey, thank you for doing the work you’ve done. Like, wow. You’re incredible. And the cool thing that you’ll probably find when you get to know all these parts, is that, y’all are on the same team. That part was probably created to make sure that you belong or that you have people to be with. Right? Because again, we are hardwired for connection.
[00:26:17] So you can be like, Hey, I hear you. I know that you were created because you wanted me to have connection. Me too. I want connection to, we’re just taking a different path.
[00:26:28] Yeah. So just trust me, get on the wagon with me. We’re headed to connection or we already have connection. It just, we’re going to take a different path than, than you, what you have in mind and that’s okay. Just trust me. Right? You and all of your parts, you’re all on the same team.
[00:26:47] Kim: Yeah. I love how you illustrated that. But yeah, we do have all of these different parts of us. I worked with a therapist once and she had me name them all and, and so I like it. Yeah. There was like, um, the lawyer and the, the nitpicky teacher and I have all these like different parts of me, but yeah, they are all these are the voices that come together to try to, yeah, let’s try to keep you safe.
[00:27:17] And like you say, I think, I think that connection and belonging is like our deepest need. And most of this stuff that comes up is because our belonging feels threatened. So, you know, when we can, when we can give those voices, um, some airtime and be curious, Rather than judgmental and like, or just stuff it down or respond to it and act on it and immediately start the diet or try to lose weight or whatever the thing is.
[00:27:43] If we can just listen, like you say, it just wants to be heard, be curious, like, what, what’s this about? What’s going on here? How are you trying to help me? And then from a, a logical, mature, insightful, rational point of view, you can decide. Okay. Do I really want to engage with this part? Or what else, what else might be possible here? I can say we’re we’re we’re going for connection. We’re doing that, but yeah, I got it. I got a different way. Well, yeah,
[00:28:16] Molly: let me, let me drive the bus to connection. You can hop in the backseat. I got this. Trust me.
[00:28:22] Kim: I love it. Then as we do that work, as we give those voices some airtime and some understanding and, and start to, um, seek connection in a more productive and kind way.
[00:28:39] What becomes available as we start to do this body image healing, what else changes?
[00:28:44] Molly: Even that question and thinking about it, just like, it makes me feel a certain way. Like, I feel like I want to cry because it’s so powerful because it brings you authentic connections. It brings you, it brings you fulfillment within yourself. It brings you a self-trust and a self-knowing. It brings you aligned opportunities. Like your, your life starts to line up with things that you love. And so it just really is such a beautiful portal to your own authentic life. It’s not going to look like anything that somebody else had in mind for you.
[00:29:21] It’s not, it’s going to look like exactly what feels good to you and your body. But I will say, one of the biggest things that it has brought to me is just like the joy of being in the moment, whether that being connecting with what’s going on or connecting with another person I used to be so in my head and just thinking about food and calories and what my body looked like.
[00:29:48] And so it was impossible to be present. But the joy that comes with enjoying a moment, for me is, has been the most beautiful thing. To be able to be spontaneous and go grab takeout or go have ice cream or, you know, whatever it is like that joy has been so big for me.
[00:30:11] Kim: I love it. And, and it’s also those, those things that we put off, until we lose weight, right? Like all, all of that stuff, like the dream job or the trip, or I don’t know, going on the beach and your bathing suit or whatever the thing is that you think you can’t do until you lose weight suddenly like, you know, you’re enough, you know, you’re good enough. You might have those thoughts, about questioning what your body looks like in that, but you don’t attach to it and you’re not going to let it stop you from having the freedom and joy that you know, you deserve.
[00:30:47] Molly: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You’re able to just start living now. Like I think people put off their lives to wait for when their body looks a certain way and at least what I found is I got my body that way, and then I didn’t feel happy. So it’s not about that. Right. Um, it’s really about what, what have you been wanting to do with your life and how can you start to do that now in this body?
[00:31:13] Kim: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. So, we’re going to wind down here in a few minutes, but I want to leave our listeners with kind of one, one great takeaway. So a golden nugget here. So what would you say is your top tips for meeting our own needs?
[00:31:30] Molly: Hmm. Top tips for meeting our own needs. Yeah. I mean, there’s so many different places you can start with this. And I want, I really actually, where I want people to start here and it’s not the bottom of the needs pyramid. It’s not, you know.
[00:31:52] But what I want you to ask yourself actually is what makes me feel a little. What makes me feel alive. And can you start to incorporate that occasionally? Right. We don’t have to do it every day. I don’t like one thing that makes me feel alive is, you know, going for a walk in the woods. I don’t have time to fit that in every day, but I make a conscious effort to do it as regularly as I can. It goes a little bit on the back burner in the winter, but, um, I try to make an effort to do that as regularly as I can.
[00:32:21] And why I want you to start here with this question of what makes me feel alive is it’s going to kind of spark a little fire under you of self care of, of getting curious about, oh, okay. I get to feel this way. This makes me feel good. What else will make me feel good as well? Um, because some of the other things can be kind of boring, right? Like going to bed earlier. That’s not fun. Start to feel like, wow, I feel so much better when I do this, then you’re going to be more motivated. So let’s start with something fun.
[00:32:52] What makes you feel alive? And how can you incorporate that? Ideally like once a week or at least a couple times a month to kind of just light that fire, fill up your cup a little bit and make you feel like, oh, I am living now. This is happening now. And I’m, I’m doing things that make me feel alive. So actually.
[00:33:12] Of all the ways we could start. That’s what I want people to walk away with, because I think you’re going to get an intuitive hit of what makes you feel alive. So Kim, like what makes you feel alive?
[00:33:22] Kim: Oh, like you nature is my, my therapy and I mean, I don’t mean to copy you at all, but absolutely authentic.
[00:33:30] Yeah. And try to make time, at least weekly to get outside in the, in the Bush, whether it’s for a trail run or a hike, um, or cross country skiing, snowshoeing doesn’t matter. Or even, even paddleboarding on the lake in the summer, like anything outdoors feeds my soul. Like there is something about soaking in the sun and feeling the energy from the earth and the trees all around and the birds chirping. It’s like, oh, I can, I can breathe. And you know, I know I have things on my mind. Problems or stuff that has to be addressed. There’s there’s things. But in this moment I can just be, and I can catch that big breath and just relax.
[00:34:10] Molly: Yeah. Yeah. We totally connect on that. So for listeners, it doesn’t have to be nature. Like, yeah. I feel like that’s not for me. Cool. Maybe it’s, you know, sitting on your couch with a good cup of something warm and reading a book for 10 minutes, maybe it’s playing and being super goofy with your kids. Maybe, maybe it is going for a jog and that does, you know, make you feel alive. Right. Maybe it is, you know, Soft cozy blankets, right?
[00:34:39] Like it doesn’t, it can be whatever it is and let it be whatever it is. So really checking in with that question. What makes you feel alive and how can you incorporate that? Ideally weekly, um, but if not at least a couple of times a month.
[00:34:54] Kim: Yeah. Yeah. Music is another one. I’ll add that to like putting on whatever kind of music like lifts your spirit and letting your body move, how it wants to move. I think can be. Yeah, a really great way to connect to yourself as well.
[00:35:07] Yeah. Agreed. Well, I was going to ask you my signature question about what does joyful movement mean to you? I think you maybe have already answered that.
[00:35:15] Molly: Hm. Well, I mean, yeah, that is one, one way. I do joyful movement, but joyful movement for me really means checking in with my body and what it needs that day, because it’s going to change and, and trusting that.
[00:35:30] So, um, And, and not being so serious about it. Right? I think I used to view exercise as this like serious thing that I had to be regimented with. So I think joyful movement for me is a combination of checking in with my body, asking it, what does it need? And having fun with it. If I can, like yesterday, I did a cardio boxing class, and she was moving so quickly and I just wasn’t able to move my body the way that she was doing it. So I just like turned it into this like goofy dance. And I’m just like in my living room alone, like laughing at myself and just having such a great time. I was like, if anybody could see this, they would be like, who is this girl?
[00:36:10] But, I was just having the time of my life, not doing the move correctly, but just having fun with it. So I think for me, it’s, it’s that combination of things, checking in trusting my body and letting it not be so serious.
[00:36:22] Kim: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s where our intuition is so powerful. Right. And we’re like, we can, we can really get beating down on ourselves.
[00:36:29] Oh, my gosh, I wasn’t able to do this workout the way that she’s doing it. My body moves differently. I didn’t go fast enough. I didn’t burn enough calories, blah, blah, blah. Who cares?
[00:36:37] Molly: Who cares? I was having a blast. I was like, oh yeah, this is fun. My hips and punch in the air and whatever.
[00:36:45] Kim: And you left feeling better than you started. So to me that’s a win.
[00:36:50] Molly: Yes. Yes, absolutely.
[00:36:53] Kim: Oh, well this has been such a refreshing conversation. I always love talking body image and hearing other people’s take on it and you have such a wise, but practical approach to this topic. And I know our listeners are really going to resonate with what you shared.
[00:37:09] Molly: That means the world to me, because I, I think so many suggestions out there can be. So just like pie in the sky. Woo. Like just love yourself. And you’re like, but how do I? And so, yeah, like we do need some, some actual guideposts, some gentle structure so that like, you can take what feels good and leave what doesn’t, but there are actual steps to get there. It’s not just, you know, trying to say nice things to yourself in the mirror because, that’s probably not going to work.
[00:37:40] Kim: You probably try it and know that it doesn’t.
[00:37:43] Molly: Yes, exactly. So, yeah. Thank you for saying that. I definitely, I’m a firm believer in like, let’s make this practical, um, but also individual.
[00:37:51] So
[00:37:53] Kim: yeah. Is there anything else that’s pressing on your heart you wanted to share with our audience today?
[00:37:59] Molly: Yeah. I just want everybody to know that, this isn’t your fault and you’re not broken. I was listening to actually, I think this probably came from the body image summit I went to a couple of weeks ago and I’m still catching up on all those recordings, cause there were so many and I’m like, I want to watch all of them. But there was one person that was talking about how we are all born embodied. And then something external happens, and then we think that our lack of confidence or lack of motivation or whatever it is, we think it’s our fault. Um, but it’s not, you we’re perfectly embodied just as you were, it was an external force, whatever it was for you, um, that changed that. And then, you internalized that, and even internalizing it, that’s not your fault. That is natural human nature. So know that you are not broken and the way that you’re feeling is not your fault.
[00:38:58] Kim: I think that’s such a powerful note to finish on. Thank you for bringing that up. It’s yeah. We need to hear that, that it’s not our fault. We’re not alone. So many of us struggle with this and it’s, it’s none of your doing, it’s no external things and how we’ve internalized it when we’ve only internalized it the way we did because of all the societal programming. So.
[00:39:19] Molly: Yeah. And I think we can fall into this trap of always feeling like I need to fix myself. I need to do this. Why X, Y, and Z and no, you’re, you are not broken. The systems have been broken. It’s made you feel a certain way. And it’s valid to work through those things, but you just have to remember that you are not broken. This is not your fault. And you are strong enough and resilient enough to find your way through all that, all that muck.
[00:39:45] Kim: it’s not us that needs fixed. That’s the systems that need fixed. And that’s a whole other big topic, but in the interest of time
[00:39:54] Molly: woo. Yeah, that’s a whole nother podcast series,
[00:39:58] Kim: but in the meantime, we can do the work on, on accepting and loving ourselves and you’ve given some great tips to help move in that direction.
[00:40:06] Um, for our listeners who want to stay in touch, as I know they will, how can they find you after they’re done listening?
[00:40:12] Molly: Yeah, absolutely. So my kind of hub is Instagram. You can find me there at Molly, Kate wellness. But where I’m really wanting people to follow me is my podcast, “what she gained”, um, cause there’ll be great conversations on there.
[00:40:24] And also my email. So you can sign up for my email list if you go to my Instagram, there’s a free mini training you can sign up for, and that gets you on the email list as well. So my Instagram is kind of the hub for all of those things, but hop on my email list and follow the podcast, if you feel called.
[00:40:40] Kim: Great. And I will link it all up in the show notes so everybody can find those things and follow along. Ah, Molly, thanks so much for being here today and sharing all your pearls of wisdom. I really appreciate you being generous with your gifts.
[00:40:53] Molly: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me and has been a super fun conversation and I appreciate you guiding it so beautifully. So thanks Kim.
[00:41:00] Kim: Oh my pleasure.
